American author and humorist
- "A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes."
- Simple: A lie spreads much faster than truth.
- What it means: People talk about lies more than the truth.
- "A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way."
- Simple: A man who lifts a cat by pulling the cat's tail learns something. There is no other way to learn that.
- "New Year's Day - Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual."
- Simple: New Year's Day is the time when you can try to start doing something good, but after a week fail at them.
- "There is no distinctly native American criminal class save Congress." 
- "Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." 
- "Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." 
- Simple: Do not say that the world owes you something because the world was here before you.
- "No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session."
- Simple: No one's life, liberty or property are safe while Congress is making laws.